OTF's Blue Publication April 2006
The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Sith makes his way into the blinding light of the main passageway, thank goodness for polarised lenses. This is Iain Vader, right hand of the Emperor, left foot of doom. His face is obscured by his flowing black robes *in other words, he's wearing a sheet on his head* and grotesque face mask, which stands out next to the difficult-to-clean, white armored suits of the Imperial stormtroopers. Everyone instinctively backs away from the imposing warrior's size 17 boots, as Vader has trouble seeing and weighs quite a lot, and a deathly quiet sweeps through the Rebel troops not killed in the previous installment. Several of the Rebel troops break and run in a frenzied panic, though, considering they're surrounded by Stormtroopers, this is rather a girly thing to do and they mostly just spin on the spot.
6. INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER- BASEMENT.
A woman's hand puts a sim-card into an opening in AJay's dome. AJay makes beeping sounds, and tries to ring the speaking clock.
7. INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER-LOST IN SPACE.
D-pio stands in a hallway, somewhat bewildered. AJay is nowhere in sight, having rolled down a laundry chute into the basement. The pitiful squeals of the doomed Rebel soldiers can be heard in the distance.
VARIOUS REBEL TROOPS
'ow... gerroff... that hurt... my shoe!'
DEEPIO
AJay! AJay-Detoo, where are you? Make a noise, tap on the wall, sing 'Help' by the Beatles!
A familiar clanking sound attracts Deepio's attention and she spots little AJay at the end of the hallway in a smoke-filled alcove *he really needs to quit*. A beautiful young girl (about sixteen years old... sixteen!) stands in front of AJay. Surreal and out of place, dreamlike and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes using pliers on AJay's computer face, boots him with her foot, then watches as the little robot joins his companion.
DEEPIO
At last! Where have you been, and what's that smell?
Stormtroopers can be heard battling in the distance.
DEEPIO
They're heading in this direction, I told you hiding in the basement wouldn't work. All that white, they'll be wanting the washing machines! What are we going to do? We'll be sent to the spicegirl mines of Kessel or smashed into a million pieces!
AJay scoots past his bronze friend and races down the subhallway. Deepio chases after him.
DEEPIO
Wait a minute, where are you going? That's the private spa!
AJay responds with electronic beeps.
8. INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - CORRIDOR- STILL...
The evil *oooh, scary, not slightly naughty this boy* Iain Vader stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the neck as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.
The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.
Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.
VADER
Where are those transmissions you intercepted? What time is it in Minsk?
Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.
VADER
What have you done with those plans? How many Hutts does it take to change a lightbulb?
REBEL OFFICER
We intercepted no transmissions. Three-fifteen. Aaah....This is a consular ship. We're on a diplomatic mission... Four, one to hire a bounty hunter and three to laugh about it... Ow! You've got skin!
VADER
If this is a consular ship...where is the Ambassador? Why do I see no Ferrero Rocher?
The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops.
VADER
Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive! Oh, and if you find any Ferrero Rocher, lock them in my personal quarters!
The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways.