Intro: Then some babbling!

For the record:

Ray: OK, umm... My fellow OTF'icans!
Brandi: He typed your "OK, Umm!"
Ray: "OK, umm" can be removed... Iain, you're supposed to type when I tell you to type! :@
Iain: We're SO leaving this in!
Brandi: *megalomaniac shrieking*
Ray: Well, it's a bright day in Cambridge, England - not Massachusetts - and Iain is actually
following instructions... for once! One might wonder what happened to the universe.
Brandi: *shrieking while filming*
Ray: Does Brandi have to film EVERYTHING?!
Iain: ... everything? :|
Brandi: Yes. Everything!
Ray: And does Iain have to talk while he's typing?
Iain: No, that is no longer necessary...
(Iain and Brandi have an altercation about gnomes, clams, hitting and bans.)
Iain: Wow, that rhymes!
Brandi: Hey, we rhyme!
*Brandi does some babbling about something... Ray. Right. Whatever.*
Ray: Do we have to give so much insights to our readers into our ... "working sessions"?
Brandi: [babbles something amounting to "Yes" - but in American, hence ... at great length, and
utterly pointlessly, with much shrieking, and stops the camera!]
Iain: OK, shall we actually do the PROPER thing now?!
Brandi: OK, yes...
Ray: Alright. So, two main things happened in the past month - or at least, in the two or three weeks
since the last edition. First of all, we had a Pirates weekend, which is now stretched into a month!
And I finally realised that being lazy is not really such a good thing - especially when trying to get
away from writing stuff, and realising how much Iain rules.

Brandi: That is SO not what Ray said!
Iain: And? I edited it. (a)
Brandi and Ray: *laughter / despair*
Iain: Continue dictation, immediately! ... or not ...

Ray: Yeah, let's wrap this up! And go over to the private EC *random handwaving* *dismisses Iain like
he would a flea*
... classified, I can't say!
Brandi: Why are we wrapping this up? We've just written a PAGE of NOTHING!!
Iain: Yeah, that always happens when I type... (a)
Ray: OK, right, so the readers can read the rest of the report, and they'll find out what's in there
anyway.

Brandi: He TYPED that?!
Ray: :(


[See Full Article]

OZD Update

Article by Kayana

With mutineers to the right and the left it's been a swashbuckling time on board the good ship yo ho ho HMS One-Zero Divison!

Ok I admit it- everything I know about pirates come from a mix of old re-runs of Gilligan's island and the Swiss Family Robinson...and Dora the Explorer. I mean she was an explorer too...right?

Be that as it may, in September the One Zero Division geared up to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day! (Sept 19) As you may have heard, this was a cross-sector OTF event with numerous events planned from the departments and genre admins. Guilds' monthly contests had piratical themes, ISA had a pirate thief bullseye and Trivia threw pirate trivia events.

Within OZD, we transformed TF (and Vic) into a suitably piraty atmosphere. Kudos to SG for designing the chattop (note the Enterprise in right hand corner) and Iain for the avatar implementation as well as to everyone else on the OZD for inputs and suggestions. :)

As September winds down many of us in the OZD gear up to begin school again, or in my case, to actually look for a job. (Unfortunately.) It's a busy time for us all as I'm sure it is for you too. So for all of you, whether you be starting school again, or you know, work all the best from all of us at OZD. :)

K.

[See Full Article]

The Senate Update: Subterfuge to the point of pointlessness!

Article by Bria

Hey hey!

Let's play a game. I start writing something, and you finish it, okay? Okay. Here goes. Over the last month, the Senate has been terribly busy with...


... no, I couldn't think of anything either, hence my above suggestion. So we're in a bit of a dilemma, my friend; I moreso than you. But I suppose that's a part of the job. The past month has seen the Senate as a group plotting madly behind the scenes in secret and clandestine meetings doing absolutely nothing. Yes. Well, apart from one senator's secret marriage (well, I wasn't told about it till afterwards - were you?), Jaden's temper tantrum at being made to clean up after one particularly wild party, another senator (who shall remain nameless), namely Majin (damn), spreading the wonders of Alaskan civilisation by building several igloos in the Senate chamber, and Osiris' temper tantrum at having to clean all that up (Jaden learns, see), nothing much happened. Really.

To divert attention from the subject I shall take my prompt from the others and ramble on about pirates. So, the CCC saw a pirate-themed weekend just like all the other chatrooms, ho-ho, I'm not Santa Claus I'm a pirate, drink up me hearties yo ho. Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against pirates, but really I'm just telling you things that you already knew, or should have known if you pay any kind of attention. So really, I might as well spend my time telling you about the consequences of leaving the Senate as experienced by one former senator (who shall definitely remain nameless because AJ is a horrible name (damn, I 'm not very good at this)) - where was I before I opened that bracket? Oh yes, consequences. Consequences apparently feature a mixture of drowning, stabbing (takes a second!), electrocuting (your faith in your girlfriend...), and I think being hit by a hammer also featured. Just so you know.

In summary - as you can see, it's not a terribly good idea to be quite so secretive in what you do when people expect you to at least have done something. And with that in mind, I'll say my goodbyes for this round and thank whatever it is I believe in again for making it through this update. Oh and also, you should all submit a story to Babel for the Writer's Guild competition. I have spoken.

Clear skies!

Bria Terrik (CL7)
Senator of Corellia
Queen of the Brackets (apparently)
Electric


[See Full Article]

The Wizard Update

Article by Bryce

As most of you are probably aware, the Wizards will be hosting a Wheel of Time role playing game in the near future, using the d20 system. This role play is based off of the highly popular Wheel of Time series written by Robert Jordan; however, you do not need to have read any of the books to play, as they will only be used as the setting. Any Outpost 10F member with an interest in fantasy role playing are encouraged to participate. If you are interested, go here to learn more details and sign up. The date of this role playing will be set as soon as the Wizards get a definite number of members who wish to participate. Any questions, thoughts, or concerns on this role playing should be sent to the FY Sector Commander.

Additionally in this issue, I would like to recognize Phill for creating the Pirate chat top used in Minas Tirith for the Outpost 10F Pirate Weekend. Keep up with the great graphics, Phill! Also, the Wizards would like to bid farewell to Krillen as he resigns due to his busy life. ItÂ’s been a pleasure working with you Krillen, and I wish you the best with your endeavors.

Alivan (CL5)
alivan@outpost10f.com
[See Full Article]

Gene Roddenberry Award Interview

Article by Ayanna

Every once in a while a member of the community is awarded the Gene Roddenberry Award. This time our lucky winner was Zildjian! *whispers in a low voice to the readers* Personally we think he used his minions to persuade the contest in his favor, but we don't really know for sure *Speaks up again and looks at Zildjian giving her a strange look* I mean please welcome our very own Zildjian!

Ayanna: Question 1: What was your first reaction when you heard that you had won the Gene Roddenberry award?
Zildjian: I thought it was a joke for a moment *l*

Ayanna: Question 2: For those who don't know can you give us some examples of work that you do for the community?
Zildjian: I Direct the ISA. As such I am in charge of security related matters. (See http://isa.outpost10f.com/ for somewhat more of an indepth idea), Various graphics and awards, and I also assist the Welcoming Committee with new registrants. Other stuff unmentionable =K

Ayanna: Question 3: What sort of things can we expect in coming months from ISA?
Zildjian: A cure for lamerism. Safe chats. Cake. Mad people. Happy people. The fall of AOL. More mad and happy people.
*A small laughter can be heard from the Interview Room*

Ayanna: Question 4: We all know that in recent weeks you've had to deal with many complaints regarding ISA, How have you managed to handle those situation and do you feel that people misjudge all of the Department?
Zildjian: I take the attacking, public complaints with a grain of salt. Most of them are based off having hardly anywhere near the complete story, and as such, the ISA often is misjudged. It really isn't anything new, but it has been a busy topic! The line of us being acceptable to all is non-existant. We toughen up, people complain we're being dictators.. We lean out some, people complain we're not doing our jobs. =D It's always been a no win situation, but, nevertheless, we strive to keep the chats a fun and safe environment.

Ayanna: Time for some fun questions now that got some of the more toughy ones out of the way. So what's your favorite color?
Zildjian: I hate this question! *l* It depends on the object the color is to be on.

Ayanna: What is your favorite fruit?
Zildjian: Tomatoes?

Ayanna: What sort of sci-fi shows do you like?
Zildjian: Anything that isn't to far fetched. ST for a acceptable example.

Ayanna: Do you think star trek will ever end? And if it does do you think that Outpost10f will still remain as popular as it is today?
Zildjian: Well, ST kinda did die in a way, but its spirit shall live on for quite sometime I imagine. Since OTF is only partially themed as ST, and houses a vast sense of community and friendships, I'm sure it will be popular for some time.

Ayanna: Whats your favorite animal?
Zildjian: Monkies =D

Ayanna: Any other comments, questions or remarks for the readers?
Zildjian: A comment including questionable remarks seems fitting for this. ;)

Lt Cmdr Ayanna
OZD Agent


[See Full Article]

George Lucas Patron of the Month! ...wait. Ah.

Article by Bria

We don't have a SW Patron of the Month this month. Thank you for not noticing and making it necessary for me to inform you, and move along.

However, Queen Demon won the George Lucas Award at the anniversary, so I decided to interview her and see what all the hype is about - after the prequels, do people really want this award anymore? Anyway, read on! That's an order. =)

1. Congrats on winning the award! Any idea why you won it?
Thanks, and no, I thought everyone else was doing tons more than me *l*. I was utterly shocked, though, it was a complete surprise and I never thought in a million years it would be me.

2. If you were handing it out, why would you have given it to yourself?
Why, um, for being a pest and to shut me up... erm... maybe because I try to help out a lot... maybe?

3. If George Lucas arrived in OTF tomorrow, what would you say to him?
Stop wearing plaid! And, give us a decent version of the OT (unenhanced) on DVD, not that hashed up mess you've churned out. Then I'd mutter something about money-grubbing and leg it. So it's probably best I don't see him if he does. ;)

4. You're also the SM of Entertainment as of late - how did you get to where you are today, do you think?
I was hoping someone would tell me, because I just joined trivia and suddenly here I am. I think it's a devious plot by someone, and when I find 'em I'll (snip). But it's the wading in thing again, I guess.

5. If everyone were more like you, would the world be a better place?
There'd be a better selection of gluten free foods for sure and more trees. Plus, free cake.

6. You're known for your disco parties, love of gin, quick wit, marriage to one Shane G, and many small furry animals. How do you reconcile all that into one person?
I call her mini-QD and she's kept in a small pit. Occasionally I let her out to cause havoc and end up taking the credit (tee-hee).

7. "Queen of the Universe" - how do you fend off the challenges of lesser men and women for that coveted title?
Well, it's easy with the guys because Queen of the Universe really doesn't suit them at all... and the women just would rather not do all the paperwork. Do you know how long it takes to sort out a supernova?

8. Finally, a deep meaningful philosophical question: Excuse me, ma'am, but... where are we going?
I thought we'd head to Disneyland, then eat hot dogs and cream buns on a beach somewhere. Who's with me?! After that, we'll go... that way *points into the sky* Babel isn't the only one flouncing through space/time around here, though I promise less badgers and more glitter. ;)

...and with Lucas-bashing, free cake, Trivia references and supernovas, I'd vote for Queenie any day! Thanks for taking the time for this interrogation, QD!

Bria Terrik (CL7)
Senator of Corellia
Queen of the... Paperwork? =(


[See Full Article]

J.R.R. Tolkien Award Interview

Article by Bryce

At the anniversary, the well-known fantasy patron Ryo Crimson (CL7) earned the J.R.R. Tolkien award for his hard work in the fantasy sector. So, I caught up with Ryo to ask him a few questions about the award.

1 - How does it feel to have earned the J.R.R. Tolkien award?
In all honesty, it feels really good. To be recognized and picked out as the person to receive this award from the great people over at Fantasy, it is a big honor. I appreciate it more than some people might suspect.

2 - What is your favorite fantasy book or movie? Why?
This is a difficult question, as fantasy for me is a very broad term. I really enjoy elements of other cultures being integrated into the western basics to create some even more fantastic settings and stories, so I enjoy fantasy-genre Anime, and those that incorporate some Chinese folklore. Some of the ones I've enjoyed are Record of Lodoss War, LOTR, and of course, Final Fantasy.

3 - Who is your favorite fantasy character? Why?
I don't think I have any one character that's a favorite, but more so a favorite character archetype, being the fantasy anti-hero. You know, that guy or girl who's either strong and silent or openly brash and sarcastic, but always has the power to back up their words. While they may not seem like the nicest of person, they always help out in a pinch. They have the most room to play around with fun personality traits. Such as Ash from the Evil Dead series, or D from Vampire Hunter D (books).

4 - If you were FY Sector Commander for a day, is there anything you would specifically like to do?
I'd plow OTF to make way for the parking lot of the fortress required for my supreme warlordship....err. Seriously, maybe add some fantasy anime avatars, install a new Ninja genre complete with specialized stealth armory, and force a few more OTFers to chat in MT, by sword-point if necessary. Ninja sword, that is...

5 - As many people know, you have recently resigned from your Outpost10F duties. Do you plan on working with Outpost 10F any more in the future?
While I regret having to leave, I have to say, retirement is about as nice as I hoped it would be. Great to just sit back away from the work and drama and take it easy for a change. Part of the reason I left was due to the hectic point in my life I'm about to enter, aka "The Real world." While I might have returned to take on a much smaller role, I don't think I'm able to do that now and to try would only be unfair to whichever group I joined. So it kinda looks like apart from the occasional visit, retirement is pretty much indefinite.

I would like to thank Ryo for letting the Blue Report conduct this interview.

Alivan (CL5)
alivan@outpost10f.com
[See Full Article]

OZD Agent of the Month

Article by Kayana

The Agent of the Month for the month of September, is yes, myself. If you're wondering how on earth I got myself into this let's just say that all things are possible in the Matrix and in this case it is perfectly natural and alright for me to interview myself. And, yes, somehow, Iain's involved in this. :D Iain!

Well a bit about me, I'm a mostly normal female living in Montreal, Quebec up north in Canada. I'm not originally from Montreal but I've called Montreal my home for the past 5 years.

It's a great city, full of attitude (not always a pleasant one) and it's a wonderful place to be if you're looking for a city that has a lot to say and is more than happy to share it with you.

Winter gets pretty cold (-30 to -40 Celsius) but Montrealers love it in a slightly sado-masochistic way. Each night the temperature drop is forecasted with great relish and every Montrealer has a story to tell about The Great Ice Storm. (The Great Ice Storm was a massive freak ice storm that came in, blew out the power for a week and caused havoc in an otherwise modern city and of course, everyone remembers it.) Winter isn't all cold and gloomy though, there are lots of fun stuff to do during winter. Montrealers love winter (as I mentioned, often in that S&M way) and there are a million things that go on during the 7 months of winter. Fresh maple syrup wrapped round a popsicle stick and eaten like a gooey treat in the snow is popular and there are many outdoor skating rinks that dot the city.

In Ottawa, an hour and half's drive, the Ottawa Canal freezes over and people often skate to work on it. Two hours drive out of Montreal you can see the Northern Lights, and every February there is a massive winter festival in Quebec City which is world famous. Sculptors from all over come up to Quebec to compete in an ice-carving/snow scuplture contests, there are snow slides and sledding and most prominently, a hotel made completely out of ice blocks! And of course lots of warm foods and drinks- mulled wine, hot chocolate, bear paws (fried dough coverend in cinnamon and sugar), smoked meat, pretty much everything...Makes me hungry just thinking about it!

Well, I could go on and on about Montreal but I think I'll just end here with a picture of me snow-shoeing outside my home in winter. And yes, someone I think made a snow sculpture of Quebec's premier.. :D

Ooo, and a really cute picture of a couple cross-country skiing with their baby in a specially designed ski cart...

It's a gorgeous day for a walk:

[See Full Article]

Promotions

To CL5:

  • Aeon (ST) - For being the primary mortal typist of the universe. And, for her work across the board! In the Welcoming Committee, in Guilds, in Entertainment's SpecOps, in the OZD, and indeed outside all departments - creating our sleeping angelic smileys! Go Annie! Go Annie!
  • To CL4:

  • dbowan (SW)
  • Jaquaia (SW)
  • Palpatine (SW)
  • sirhc (SW)
  • white satin (ST)
  • ZOMBIE (SW)
  • Zyther Saebra (SW)
  • To CL3:

  • firefox (ST)
  • JACK SPARROW (ST)
  • Lieutenant Gelen (ST)
  • Lizzie (FY)
  • The Hunter (SW)
  • Veda (ST)
  • verrs (SW)
  • Wilbur force (ST)
  • Ze Gogo (SW)

  • [See Full Article]

    Comic: Pudin Hed

    Article by Polson

    [Enlarge comic in a new window.]


    [See Full Article]

    The Rank-O-Matic!

    Article by Iain

    Hi everyone!

    Last month our Rank-O-Matic victim was CT!

    We had many good suggestions, focusing on the common denominator - sadly, literally...

    Anyway, moving swiftly on!

    The winning rank submission was from Osiris (CL7)! His rank, for CT, was ... Snuggles, The Destroyer of Worlds (and Socks). Dotdotdot, indeed...!

    The award image is under construction, and will be presented soon... (∀ values of "soon" where "soon" is equivalent to "now", when spoken by anyone who can call themself "Iain"...!)

    And without further ado, here is the award!

    But, out with the old, and in with the new. Though, it has been brought to my attention that MXcha can hardly be called "new"!

    Therefore!

    Our next "victim" is none other than MXcha Bravo (CL7)!

    Click here to Submit Your Rank for MXcha Bravo!

    Iain (CL8)
    Oranje Bag Carrying Lunatic - of sorts...
    "Of sorts" being NULL... & Property of Naberrie


    [See Full Article]

    The REAL story behind Star Wars... (Part VI)

    26. INT. LARS HOMESTEAD - GARAGE AREA - LATE AFTERNOON (SUN ONE) HALF PAST NINE (SUN TWO).

    The garage is cluttered and worn, but a friendly peaceful atmosphere permeates the low grey chamber (mind your head, oops, too late). Deepio lowers herself into a large jacuzzi filled with warm oil and several plastic duckies. Near the battered VW Landspeeder little Ajay rests on a large battery with a cord to his face (we hope it's his face, who can tell).

    DEEPIO
    Thank Windows 98! This oil jacuzzi is going to feel so good. I've got such a bad case of dust contamination in my parts, I can barely move!

    Ajay beeps a muffled reply, clearly the cord is plugged into his mouth. Osiris Skywalker seems to be lost in thought as he runs his hand over the damaged fin of a small two-man shark Spacehopper ship resting in a low hangar off the garage. Finally Osiris's frustrations get the better of him and he slams a wrench across the workbench, smashing his ant farm.

    OSIRIS
    It just isn't fair. Oh, James Darklighter is right. I'm never gonna get out of here! Argh, ants!

    DEEPIO
    Is there anything I might do to help? Not with the ants, though, you're on your own there, matey!

    Osiris glances at the battered robot. A bit of his anger drains and a tiny smile creeps across his face.

    OSIRIS
    Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport me off this rock or cause me to win the pan-Galactic lottery! Ouch, where's my ant smasher!

    DEEPIO
    I don't think so, sir. I'm only a droid and not very knowledgeable about such things, nor do I lie to get out of helping, no-sir-rie!. Not on this planet, anyway. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure which planet I'm on, aside from a dusty lump of -

    OSIRIS
    Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from. Mind you, if there's a shopping centre, we're farthest from that, too.

    DEEPIO
    I see, sir. That does explain the Poncho hanging over there, don't you know they went out with headbands and stripes down the outside of your trousers?

    OSIRIS
    Uh, you can call me Lord of Everything Wild, Stunning, Inventive and Excellent.

    DEEPIO
    I see, can I shorten it to L.E.W.S.I.E?

    OSIRIS
    (beating up ants)
    Just Osiris, then.

    DEEPIO
    Spoilsport! Okay then, I am Q-Deepio, human-cyborg ...relations, and that tin can is my counterpart, Ajay-Detoo.

    OSIRIS
    Hello.

    Ajay beeps in response and waves a small flag bearing a smiley face. Osiris unplugs Ajay and begins to scrape several limpets on the robot's head with a seafood pick. Deepio climbs out of the oil tub, skids halfway across the garage before hitting a wall and begins wiping oil from her bronze body.

    OSIRIS
    You got a lot of carbon scoring here and shellfish. It looks like you boys have seen a lot of action... underwater.

    DEEPIO
    With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazed we're in as good condition as we are, what with the Great Rebellion and all.

    OSIRIS
    You know of the Rebellion against the Empire... or are we talking the rebellion from She-Ra, Princess of power?

    DEEPIO
    Oh, wrong show, ahem. Anyway, that's how we came to be in your service, if you take my meaning, Lewsie.

    OSIRIS
    Have you been in many battles?

    DEEPIO
    Several, I think, including the charge of the Light Brigade and the battle of Waterloo. Actually, there's not much to tell. I'm not much more than an interpreter, and not very good at telling stories *whistles innocently*. Well, not at making them truthful, anyway.

    Osiris struggles to remove a small metal fragment from Ajay's neck joint. He uses a axe instead.

    OSIRIS
    Well, my dustbin-shaped little friend, you've got something jammed in here real good. I think it's spare change! Were you on a cruiser or...

    The fragment breaks loose with a snap, sending Osiris tumbling head over heels (scoring a 6.0 from the Mandalore judge). He sits up and sees a twelve-inch, three-dimensional hologram of Bria Organa, the Rebel senator, being projected from the face of little Ajay (but he doesn't know who that really is, because that would give the plot away, so let's just go with "mysterious chick in chiffon"). The image is a rainbow of colours as it flickers and jiggles in the dimly lit garage, thanks to bad compression uploads. Osiris' mouth hangs open in awe, this is much better than 8bit animation.

    BRIA
    Help me, Ma-Jin Kenobi. You're my only hope.

    OSIRIS
    What's this? Is it a new game?

    Ajay looks around and sheepishly beeps an answer for Deepio to translate. Bria continues to repeat the sentence fragment over and over, like a bad rapper.

    DEEPIO
    What is what?! He asked you a question...
    (pointing to Bria)
    Who's the "mysterious chick in chiffon"?

    Ajay whistles his surprise as he pretends to just notice the hologram, raising a cardboard question mark into the air to continue the bluff. He looks around and sheepishly beeps an answer for Deepio to translate. Bria continues to repeat the sentence fragment over and over, wikka-wikka, wah-wah - word to yo momma!

    BRIA
    Help me, Ma-Jin Kenobi. You're my only hope. Help me, Ma-Jin Kenobi. You're my only hope.

    DEEPIO
    Oh, he says it's nothing, sir Lewsie. Merely a malfunction. Old data. Pay it no mind. His C:/ drive's full of spyware.

    Osiris becomes intrigued by the beautiful girl; he doesn't get out much, you see.

    OSIRIS
    Who is she? She's beautiful, and... chiffony.

    DEEPIO
    I'm afraid I'm not quite sure, sir, she's probably an ad for bagels and I've never seen her on a ship recently (ho-hum).

    BRIA
    Help me, Ma-Jin Kenobi...

    DEEPIO
    Although I think she was a passenger on our last voyage. A person of some importance, sir - I believe, because she's wearing white and it's a pain to keep clean, so, you know, money and everything. Our captain was attached to...

    OSIRIS
    Is there more to this recording?

    Osiris reaches out for Ajay, but he lets out several frantic squeaks and a rude whistle.

    DEEPIO
    Behave yourself, Ajay, and what have we said about deleting those language files? You're going to get us in more trouble. It's all right, you can trust him I think. He's our new master, Sir Lewsie.

    Ajay whistles and beeps a long message to Deepio.

    DEEPIO
    Are you cracked in the dome? He says he's the property of Ma-Jin Kenobi, a resident of these parts. And it's a private message for him. Quite frankly, sir, I think he's lost the plot. Our last master was Captain Antilles - no, no more ants, "Antilles", sorry about that, no need to cry - but with what we've been through, this little AJ unit has become a bit eccentric.

    OSIRIS
    Ma-Jin Kenobi? I wonder if he means old Ben Ma-Jin Kenobi?

    DEEPIO
    Oh, good grief... erm... I beg your pardon, sir, but do you know what he's talking about?

    OSIRIS
    Well, I don't know anyone named Ma-Jin, but old Big Ben lives out beyond the dune sea. He's kind of a strange old hermit crab... I mean hermit, hermit sorry, I've got limpets on my mind.

    Osiris gazes at the beautiful young princess (except he doesn't know that) for a few moments.

    OSIRIS
    I wonder who she is? It sounds like she's in trouble. I'd better play back the whole thing. What if she needs washing powder, white clothes are really hard to keep clean. I should know. I mean, only an idiot would use white for anything serious... like an army, for example.

    Ajay beeps something to Deepio.

    DEEPIO
    He says the remote control receiver has short circuited his iTunes. He suggests that if you remove the "Triple jump silver medalist" disc the Jawas welded on, he might be able to play back the entire recording (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

    Osiris looks longingly at the lovely, little rapping princess and hasn't really heard what Deepio has been saying.

    OSIRIS
    H'm? Oh, yeah, well, I guess you're too small to roll away on me if I take this off! Plus, we have steps and live in a hole! Okay.

    Osiris takes a wedged bar and pops the medal off Ajay's side.

    OSIRIS
    There you go, hmm, I can flog this on E-bay.

    The princess immediately disappears in a blue screen of death...

    OSIRIS
    Well, wait a minute. Where'd she go? Bring her back! Play back the entire message, what critical error?!

    Ajay beeps an innocent reply as Deepio grabs a hammer.

    DEEPIO
    What message? The one you're carrying inside your rusty innards! What do you mean, "file not found, would you care to write a letter"?

    A woman's voice calls out from another room.

    AUNT BILLY BOB
    Osiris? Osiris! Come to dinner! We broke out the suspicious blue milk!

    Osiris stands up and shakes his head at the malfunctioning robot.

    OSIRIS
    All right, blue milk! I'll be right there, Aunt Billy Bob.

    DEEPIO
    I'm sorry, sir Lewsie, but he appears to have picked up a slight flutter. Maybe his motherboard's overheating, we are on a desert planet with two suns.

    Osiris tosses Ajay's Triple jump silver medal on the workbench and hurries out of the room.

    OSIRIS
    Well, see what you can do with him. I'll be right back once I've got milk.

    DEEPIO
    (to Ajay)
    Just you reconsider playing that message for him. I've got this hammer...

    Ajay beeps in response.

    DEEPIO
    No, I don't think he likes you at all.

    Ajay beeps.

    DEEPIO
    No, I don't like you either, and neither do all the wittle kittens. So there!


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