Act 25

Article by Queen of the Universe

106. INT. DEATH STAR - DOCKING BAY 2037687643428.1234 (WOW, THAT'S THE COMBINATION OF MY LUGGAGE).

Iain Vader and a random commander approach the troops as an Officer and several heavily armed troops exit the spacecraft.

VOICE- NOW MILKING THE PART

(over intercom)

Unlock one-five-seven and nine. Release charges. Feed all animals in the Zoo. Coming up, ten of the best ways to keep your armour whiter than white. Now for some rockin' tunes-

OFFICER GENTLEMAN

(to Vader)

There's no one on board, sir, or underneath. According to the log, 'teh crewz abanddoned ship write after take-off', that's exactly how they put it down. Ugh, call the grammar police. Anyway it must be a decoy, sir. Several of the escape pods have been jettisoned, though several implies it's a really big ship, when it's kinda tiny...

IAIN VADER

Did you find any droids... or um... gold foil wrapped spheres?

OFFICER GENTLEMAN

No, sir. If there were any on board, they must also have jettisoned. I mean droids, not *whispers* chocolates.

IAIN VADER

*grump* Send a scanning crew on board, and a sniffer dog. I want every part of this ship checked and that includes the toilets.

OFFICER GENTLEMAN

Yes, sir. I'll get people on that... really the toilets? Never mind, forget I said that.

IAIN VADER- LUCKILY DISTRACTED

I sense something...a presence I haven't felt since I was much younger and less plasticky...

Iain Vader turns quickly and exits the hangar with an overly dramatic swoosh of his cape.

OFFICER GENTLEMAN

Get me a scanning crew in here on the double, no, not the usual ones, get me the ones they use on Space Trek, the ones that work. I want every part of this ship checked! Including the toilets! Okay, who groaned? Don't make me come over there!

107. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - HALLWAY. LOOK DOWN

A Trooper runs through the hallway heading for the exit, ignoring the 'don't run in the halls' sign. In a few moments all is quiet, honestly, you'd think they'd leave guards or something. The muffled sounds of a distant officer giving orders and swearing finally fade. Two floor panels suddenly pop up revealing Hobbie Solo and Osiris. Ma-jin Kenobi sticks his head out of a third locker, he's eating a banana.

OSIRIS

Boy, it's lucky you had these compartments, but woah, they smell like something, something I haven't smelled since...

HOBBIE

I use them for smuggling wine and cheese and the odd shipment of exotic fruit. I never thought I'd be smuggling myself in them or I would have installed cable. This is ridiculous. Even if I could take off, I'd never get past the tractor beam without a push. Hey, old man, are you eating something?

MA-JIN- HASTILY DROPPING THE BANANA

Leave that tractor beam to me! I can do zat! I mean that, sorry, bananas make my tongue work with an accent. Not that I was eating a banana *waves fingers* I was not eating a banana.

HOBBIE

Damn fool. I knew that you were going to say that! What about bananas?

MA-JIN

*clears throat* Who's the more foolish...the fool, or the fool who follows the fool who follows him following a fool?

Hobbie stares at Ma-jin for several seconds and then shakes his head, muttering to himself. KypDbacca agrees, neither of them understands a word Ma-jin says.

108. INT. VESPA OF DOOM AND PAIN, LOTS OF PAIN - MAIN FORWARD BAY.

The crewmen carry a heavy box on board the ship, forgetting that they have hover sleds and droids. They struggle past the two stormtroopers guarding either side of the ramp with their backs to possible trouble within. Clones, who'd employ them? *sheesh*

TROOPER DOOPER

Little dude, like, the ship's all yours. If the scanners pick up like, aaaanything, you peeps report it immediately, y'hear? All right bro, let's go get some nachos.

The crewmen enter the pirateship and a loud crashing sound is followed by a voice calling to the guard below. Told you they should have used the sleds.

HOBBIE'S VOICE- DISGUISED AS A CREWMAN

Hey down there, could you give us a hand with this, I dropped it on my foot!

The stormtroopers enter the ship and a quick round of gunfire is heard- though not by anyone who might call for more troopers. Honestly, security around here is so lax, I wouldn't be surprised if the entire Vespa had some kind of fatal design flaw that would allow a small ship to womp rat its butt into oblivion.