Yeah, I blame Hobbie...

Article by Polson

Yeah, this is late. Really late. That is entirely Hobbie's fault.

Actually it's completely my fault. I won't go into details, but my life for the beginning of this year has been nuts, and I mean that in the mental health sort of way. I know many of you have suspected insanity, but I'd just like to come on out and confirm it; Iain is insane.

Anyhoo, here's this issues's scoop: It's short! That's right! Short. Why? Because we're going to come out with a second issue right lickity split (I haven't told the team yet - surprise!) in honor of the coming new Star Trek film! And here's the best part: anyone can contribute!

The rules: sky's the limit whereas your article is concerned, it can be a mock interview with Kirk, it can be a character bio, it can be a history of the Enterprise, whatever, but it has to be centered on Star Trek: TOS or the coming movie. We'll be releasing early (or late depending on your point of view) about one week from the movie release. So start sending in your submissions to me! Or the Blue Report email, that's acceptable as well but I am currently too lazy to look up our email address and html it in, not when I've got that one there on file for cutting and pasting purposes.

Polson
A Really Rear Admiral


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A Flair for the Dramatic

Article by Richard Smith

So I decided to take a trip across the hall from my office in Trivia and meet with Kaela L. Donos the Team Leader for Simming. Simming has been below the radar for a little while with some sporadic events here and there, but Kaela is looking to turn that all around and have some fun with the masses.

BR: Thanks for taking some time for the Blue Report.

Kaela: Well it is good to be here!

BR: Can you explain to someone who may not know what simming is?

Kaela: Simming is basically the outpost's version of RPG's. Basically you take on the role of a character and you act like you were that character. Say you’re playing the role of a prince, and you would say things like, I command you! or fair lady! things you wouldn't normally say!

BR: So you’re not the person you are in chat?

Kaela: No, you’re not your normal self. And the character you play will change, in the case of live simming events you pick one of a list of character and you act like that character for an hour or so.

BR: So what does a typical simming event include?

Kaela: The typical live simming event, which is what we primarily do for now, is about an hour long, it has a simm host and a simm asst. once someone comes into the chat they are told the premise, which was also posted on the updates board before the event started. They are given a basic plot, just like it was a play or a movie and pick a character. They start acting from there. The person in charge of the simm is the simm leader; they are the person that guides the simm in that they keep the action rolling. They will be one of the characters, most likely not a lead role but an important role, like they would be Han Solo not Luke skywalker Simmers keep playing and acting out the scenario until there is a conclusion. Sometimes there is a part two to a simm, but this is very rare!

BR: How often are simming events supposed to take place?

Kaela: The goal is to have them a few times a month, but in reality because the simm team waxes and wain it changes allot more then I wish I did!

BR: Simming has had a rocky past in OTF what would you like to see to make it more stable?

Kaela: That is a tough question! Simming really needs a solid group of people and public support, it has had both in the past and sometimes it has both and sometimes it doesn’t. Also I would like to see us having a more stable time slots. This is also my fault; I have not been able to do as much with simming as I wanted because of things that came up in my personal life

BR: What are your current plans to get simming back up and running?

Kaela: I am training a few people right now. I hope to have some Simms in the upcoming month

BR: Do you need Help? What does your team need to make things start to roll?

Kaela: Mostly people who want to work and who care and love to simm, but what we could really use is when we have Simms for people to try it out, try out simming!

BR: What’s one thing people may not know about you?

Kaela: That is a hard one, I tend to be a bit of a blabber mouth and I try to be honest about my life. I don't wear purple every day; sometimes I wear blue or red too

BR: How does one join your team if they are interested?

Kaela: Just contact me and talk to me, I am always looking for new faces. It also helps if you know the simming website ; most the info on what we do is there

BR: Anything else to add?

Kaela: No, I think that that is everything, but if anyone has any questions just ask me!

BR: Well Kalea thanks again for spending some time with us and letting us know about Simming.

Kaela: No problem! I hope people will stop and take a second look at it! and thank you for this chance to talk about it!

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OTF Blues: Bakula

Article by Polson

Bakula. Who doesn't want to throw up when Jonathan Archer marches on screen? This cartoon is dedicated to all of us who think Enterprise is an abomination. Featuring, left to right, Jeremy, QD, Cinna and myself.

[Enlarge comic in a new window.]


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Aunty Shadowfox!

Article by Mr Numbahs

Dear Shadowfox:

My Girlfriend keeps wanting to drive my car.. with me in the passenger seat! That always bugged me... how do I teasingly tell her that I don't want her to do that.. yet still be within the realm of "Teasing" and not "Being rude" ?

Dear Reader:

Try saying "I don't think my health insurance would like that" or say "My Car Insurance doesn't cover 'The-Driver-Just-Wanted-To-Drive-MY-Car-For-A-Change' ".


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Act 23, in which Hobbie goes gah gah

Article by Queen of the Universe

94. EXT. SPACE. INT. NOT SPACE

The fighter races past the Corellian pirateship, someone needs to call the cops.

95. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

OSIRIS
It sure is leaving in a big hurry, how come it's faster than us again? I thought you said we were fast because, ya'know, if they identify us we're in big trouble with... someone I guess.

HOBBIE
Trouble, mwahahaha, not if I can help it, I laugh in the face of trouble. Kyppy...jam it's transmissions with the mega super jammer!!!111111!1eleventyone!

MA-JIN
It'd be as well to let it go. It's too far out of range, despite the fact we're supposed to be the fastest thing around and have shooty guns which - one would hope- fire even faster than we fly....

HOBBIE
Not for long... *is not listening and currently exists in his own world of space-jock fun*

96. EXT. SPACE. INT. LORD OF THE RINGS ON TV

The pirateship zooms over the camera, though that's a silly place for a speed trap, and away into the vastness of space after the Imperial fighter. Zoom!

97. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT. EXT. OH LOOK, IT'S FULL OF STARS

The tension mounts as the pirateship gains on the tiny fighter, showing just how super fast it can be under pressure and plotholes. In the distance, one of the stars becomes brighter until it is obvious that the Imperial ship is heading for it- that, and the flashing sign saying 'land here' helps. Ma-Jin stands behind KypDbacca, so you can't actually see him anymore.

MA-JIN
A fighter that size couldn't get this deep into space on its own, maybe some sort of catapult....

OSIRIS
It must have gotten lost, I bet he doesn't have the latest sat nav, must be relying on one of the old A-Z models... or he was part of a convoy or something.

HOBBIE
Well, he ain't going to be around long enough to tell anyone about us, despite the fact we aren't doing anything illegal yet, so that really doesn't make sense. I'm getting confused, Kyppy, where's my blanky? Hobbie needs his blanky!


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