Ferenginar boasts some of the liveliest inhabitants this side of Qo'Nos. If there's money to be had, you can be sure there's a Ferengi trying to obtain it. Remarkably dedicated to this cause, the Ferengi have established no less than 285 Rules of Acquisition, the first and most important of which was quoted at the start of this article.

Okay, so the weather isn't exactly ideal for the average vacationer, but don't be deterred -- there is a lot to do here; so much, in fact, that you just may forget about soaking up the suns on Risa. First of all, there is a requisite visit or three to the Sacred Marketplace, where you can hone your haggling skills to perfection. Don't be surprised, though, if you get taken on a few deals at first. Bargaining is a way of life here on the planet, and with all that practice, you can be sure the natives know a few tricks.

You'll recognize quickly enough that only Ferengi males are seen in public. This is a strictly patriarchal society. Females, in addition to being homebound, cannot talk to strangers, engage in business transactions, recite any of the Rules of Acquisition, or wear any type of clothing! To find a female, you'll have to make a friend (or buy one, whichever you prefer) and be invited back to his place of residence. Before going in, you'll hear a rather friendly speech: "Welcome to our home. Place your imprint on the legal waivers and deposit your admission fee in the box by the door. Remember, my house is my house." At this point, it is only polite for you to respond, "As are its contents," and follow your host's instructions. Once inside, you'll no doubt see price tags on all household items, sometimes even on family members! Yes, folks, it's all on sale! If you pay extra for a meal, don't be surprised when one of the aforementioned nude females offers to chew your food for you; such is a custom on the planet, and one of the very few free services you can obtain.

If you're not lucky enough to make/purchase any Ferengi friends, have no fear. There's a first-rate restaurant near the Marketplace, called the "214th Rule" (referring, of course, to the 214th Rule of Acquisition: "Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach." I'll drink to that!). The typical menu begins with flaked blood fleas and baked locar beans as appetizers, followed by live -- and deliciously slimy -- tube grubs, all of which you may wash down with Gamzain wine. Perhaps more attractive than the chow is the elegant ambience, which you'll find shows up as an extra charge on the itemized bill. Make sure you've got plenty of cash on hand, because you will not be leaving until your waiter gets a generous tip. Seriously.

Surely the haggling and feasting will have worn you down by this time, so check into the Nagus, a local hotel that's so luxurious it's almost over-the-top. Owned by its namesake, Grand Master Nagus, the facility has been quite accurately referred to as a "pleasure palace." If your pocketbook can't withstand another beating, a generic hotel chain called "Frin's Taverns" is the more sensible, albeit less satisfying, choice.

So, Risa can keep its sunny skies, its peaceful oceans, and its beautiful people. I'll take Ferenginar any day. It has a certain charm, almost like the Emerald Isle on Earth. One visit is never enough, and if you're gone too long, you get "the itch." You've just got to get back. Give it a try; you may find that Risa and its counterparts can't compete with the natural highs of the Ferengi home world.