Dear Counselor,

I don't think anyone likes me. I don't have friends at school, only on line and my brother hates me. I am 14 years old and my parents think that it is strange I don't have friends. My older brother has alot of RL friends. They think that is great and don't listen when I try to tell them that I try to make friends but no one likes me.

Ugly Dweeb

Dear Do I have to use Ugly Dweeb?, I really prefer Normal Teen, So.. Dear Normal Teen,

I have never understood why parents never tell their children that they can expect that between the ages of 11-16 they will feel SOOOOOOO ALLLOOONNNEEEE and so Ugly, they will suffer so greatly, why? cos everyone does it!!! It is normal to feel uglier than the person sitting next to you in school, AND believe it or not, We have to learn to be beautiful and it is also normal to feel like you have no friends. There are plenty of people around you who feel exactly the way that you do.. IT is SOOO NORMAL! you won't believe it until you talk to peeps about it and find that everyone feels like they have no friends at least once in their life, and if you don't learn what people with friends know, then it can follow you into adulthood as well.

When you realize why you feel ugly, you can cure that as well.. but only if you stop judging yourself by the 'natural beauty' that you think everyone, but you, posses!

IF you feel ugly maybe you have not learned that that features are only part of what you have as natural beauty, that what you do with your facial or body structure can make you beautiful! YES! it's true! To be beautiful you must stand tall, walk with confidence, Speak with kindness, SMILE!! Be in the state of "Being Alive' and celebrating it!!! This will give you beauty you cannot believe until you do it! That is what makes you beautiful! Not your features!

My Goodness Honey Child don't you remember Mudd's Women? How McCoy proved that their Wonder Drug for beauty was merely a placebo devised by Mudd to make these women think that they were drop dead gorgeous, and they became beautiful enough to make Mudd a lot of money for transporting them to mining asteroids where the lonely male miners would pay big money for beautiful wives?

Well, it works both ways!.. Don't look so shocked to learn that your beauty is your responsibility!, not the draw of the gene pool!.. give yourself the mental placebo and see how beautiful you become!

Besides! there are no ugly Dweebs on my planet.. NO one is allowed to wallow in that much self pity! *Grins her best Klingon Auntie Grin!*

Now, once you realize why you have no friends, you can heal that too!

WHY do you have no friends? Because making friends takes social skills that you have not learned yet. Social skills are learned from mimicking our elders. When we are little kids we have no problem with mimicking our parents or peeps older than we are.. also they tell us 'go play with your friends'.. in essence we were given friends, we didn't have to make them!~!LOL!~ we are told who our friends were.

When we are growing into adults and becoming our own 'Individual' self we are not usually told how to make friends. It is assumed that you will know how to do this. (may i say, Shame on the adults for not preparing you for this event in your life that we must all face!) Were you told that to make a friend you have to be one? ... that everyone in your age group is as shy about saying hi and starting a conversation as you are!

This part of our change into adulthood comes with the need to accept that what worked to find friends as a child no longer is valid, you have a choice of who you create friendship with, this is a good thing! All of a sudden life is more complex.. and you need to accept responsibility for making your own friends.. Now all of a sudden, it is up to you to start the conversation and create friendship where none was before.. Once you accept this and realize that you have to learn the same thing that everyone else does you will make as many friends as you like.. With experience you will learn that deep friendship grow from sharing our lives with someone!

So my advice is:
1) Find your Courage.
2) Step out larger than life!
3) Accept responsibility for both making friends and creating your beauty!
4) Just do it!

Good Luck Teen! *rustles hair*

For public or private responses to your questions you may email Auntie Komonda at otf_dearcounselor@hotmail.com